If you're in trouble he will save the day

He's brave and he's handsome, come what may

without him the mission would go astray

He's Arnold, Arnold, Arnold Rimmer

Without him things would be much grimmer

He's handsome, trim and no-one's slimmer

He will never need a zimmer

He's Arnold, Arnold, Arnold Rimmer

More reliable than a garden strimmer

He's never been mistaken for Yul Brinner

He's not bald and his head doesn't glimmer

Master of the wit and the repartee

His command of Space Directives is uncanny

How come he's such a genius? Don't ask me

Ask Arnold, Arnold, Arnold Rimmer

He's oh so a fantastic swimmer

And if you play cards right he just might come round for dinner