You might be a redneck if…

You think the stock market has a fence around it.

You burn your front yard rather than mow it.

You consider a six-pack & a bug zapper high quality entertainment.

Your mum doesn't remove her Marlboro from her lips before telling the local cop to kiss her a__.

Your family tree does not fork.

Your primary source of income is the pawn shop.

You go to the family reunion to pick up women.

Your grandmother has ever been asked to leave a bingo game because of her language.

None of your shirts cover your stomach.

You think that Dom Perignon is a mafia leader.

Your idea of a seven course meal is a bucket of KFC and a six pack.

The Salvation Army declines your Mattress.

Your dad walks you to school because you are both in the same class.

You consider your license plate personalised because your dad made it in prison.

Your grandfather completely executes the 'pull my finger' trick at the family reunion.

When a sign that says "Say no to Crack!" reminds you to pull up your jeans.

Your beer can collection is considered a tourist attraction in your home town.

Your parakeet knows the phrase "Open up, Police"


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Greg Bellamy